LOVE & UNDERSTANDING = CONNECTEDNESS

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As humans, especially as women what we crave in life is to be 

1. LOVED

2. UNDERSTOOD

Feeling like someone or people understand you, how you feel, how you are etc.. without experiencing that others know us, or are able to, we’re left feeling alone — at times, despairingly so. It’s a bleak place to be and can lead to feelings of emptiness and despondency. In such a state, we’re left feeling vulnerable. 

What most people don't know is that in actual fact as humans beings we actually crave feeling 

1. UNDERSTOOD

more and is more important to us than feeling

2. LOVED


When I am in a session with a client and we're having a discussion, we always get to a part where they have opened up to me and at the end of what they've been telling me I summarize what they just shared  and more often than not my clients reply with a single reply word, “Exactly!” Why do they reply with this word? It's simple for humans it is important for us to feel that another can pinpoint their thoughts and feelings — and, on the contrary, how upset they can be when they don't feel understood. In such moments, they experience a break in the relationship — and with that, feelings of uneasiness, loneliness, or irritation.

It is one of the biggest causes of fights in relationships is that one person in the relationship is upset because they feel like their partner doesn't understand them or understand how they are feeling, which leaves us frustrated and upset.


So here are 8 reasons why it's so important to feel understood by others to help achieve a sense of security and well-being:

1. You feel like you are known.

When you experience being misunderstood, the connection between you and the other person is (however temporarily) severed. You’re by yourself, “dis-joined,” cut off. I list this advantage of others “getting” you as the starting point, because I believe all the other benefits of being understood stem from this.

2. Your identity is confirmed.

Having others see you as you want and need to be seen verifies your sense of self, who you believe you are. It assures you that who you believe you are is understandable and justified. To feel truly “gotten” is to feel deeply, rewardingly validated.

3. You exist in this world.

Because we’re all social creatures, if you’re to feel “real,” a certain amount of external corroboration is necessary. We seem to always have this unconscious fear lurking around that if we aren’t understood it will be as if we never existed.” (A scary thought, indeed!)

4. You belong.

Feeling understood connects you to others, allowing you to feel welcome. Conversely, feeling all alone and detached from those around you can, emotionally, be extremely painful. We crave feeling a sense of belonging be it within our families, friends, communities etc.

5. You’re part of something bigger than yourself.

We all need to feel that we’re related to a community of (at least relatively) like-minded individuals. Such an expanded perception of self helps to make our lives feel more meaningful, more purposeful — and it contributes to a sense of personal value as well.

6. You’re accepted.

Feeling understood is in many ways linked to feeling socially recognized, or “endorsed.” Even non-verbally, another’s physical or facial reactions to something you’ve shared can be most comforting. Various acts of empathy (as long as they’re accurate) also connote acknowledgement, understanding, and support. And however introverted you might be, no one enjoys feeling alienated from others or “all alone.”

7. You’re empowered.

If you feel understood, you’re not groping your way in the darkness. With others’ respectful willingness to recognize you and your intentions, you’re empowered to attempt, and accomplish, things that you otherwise might not be driven to do. Things tend to matter more to us when we have a sense that others care about them, too. That's one reason why having a "Tribe" is so important and those who find themselves a tribe in whatever capacity feel such an increase in their happiness.

8. You understand yourself better.

If someone says, “So, in other words, it sounds as though you must believe [X] because you seem to be implying [Y],” it’s quite possible that their synopsis of what you shared actually goes beyond what you yourself had realized. In adding something of their own intuition and experience, they may help you better comprehend the deeper, more personal ramifications of what you're communicating.